Prayer (Self Denial and Sin)

In that which I have been extremely bad at, which is pridefully trying to be a somebody, forgive me Lord; and grant to me rather that I would be content to be a good nobody. I confess that I am a sinner and that I cannot think of myself mean enough. Indeed I am always worse than I think I am. But give me more of your grace that teaches me that to win in religion is to loose, and to loose is to win.

The Fearful Fugitive and his Flight to God from Sin

When I said, My foot slippeth; thy mercy, O LORD, held me up.
-Psalm 94:18

Lord, I know that there is a difference between fearing God out of love of sin and fearing sin out of love of God, as well as loving God out of fear of sin. And so Lord, help me to love you as much as I hate sin and to hate sin in proportion to my love for you. God grant me the strength to be more diligent in work and devotion to you as I have been so diligent to pursue sin. If sin has lent a hand in the advancement of Satan's kingdom how much more ought my love of you keep me about my Father's business? O that I was as diligent in my Father's kingdom as I have been in the matter of worldly things. If an almost relentless procession of sinful thoughts can so occupy and assault my mind, cannot a truly affectionate heart rooted in and devoted to you, eternal God, infinitely occupy my thoughts and that to the the renewing of my mind? Thoughts of one will by necessity prevail over the other. So teach me to love you with all my heart mind and soul. Give me grace that I will never let my watchful guard down and allow my conscience to be sorely wounded by sin again. Lord, sometimes I feel as if I am a fearful fugitive fleeing from sin and its consequence. It is as if Pharaoh and all of the Egyptian army are fast on my heels. But Lord, I find comfort in this thought: if I am a fugitive it is not from your authority but from that of Satan's rule and dominion. You have not rewarded me evil for evil, but good for evil. Though it is a true principle that we reap what we sow, I have not always reaped the reward of iniquity, but the produce of grace. In this your mercy has been great towards me. It is but mere superstition that we get what we deserve. This sort of karma is what pagans believe not understanding your gracious nature. Keep me from falling, Lord. When my foot begins to slip it is your mercy o Lord that holds me up. Let me have a foothold that is sure that I might diligently flee from sin into your loving arms.

Prayer

"I hate vain thoughts: but thy law do I love" (Psalm 119:113).
O Lord how I long to see you in your word! My fleshly body is too weak to search out your word as I should and my mind, in and of itself, is sorely limited and diseased with sin. Thoughts that ought to be turned to behold your mercy, goodness, and glory seem to be intercepted and turned into all manner of distractions. I am puzzled at this and wonder if the reason and source leading to this torturous state is external in nature, due to the intense spiritual warfare that is waged behind the scenes of our soul, and is common among those that profess your name, or if it is solely the result of my own carnal self. Perhaps it is both. Regardless of the truth of this, I need your grace and help. Deliver me from the distractions that accompany such a fallen mind as mine. Strengthen my body. Give me opportunity, motivation, and ambition to study and apply your word. Prevent any external spiritual attacks on my soul that would separate me from you, preventing me by way of distraction or temptation from a closer walk with you. Give sight to my minds eye. Renew my mind so that I may behold you more closely. Even if I had a mind that is more able and intellectually capable it would be limited respecting spiritual things. But this is not the case. There is not anything in me that enables me to sufficiently know truth that is divine. All such knowledge of and intimacy with you must come from you alone. I am too weak to remove these hindrances and barriers. But you are sovereign and able to do all that I ask and much more. Take pity on me respecting this request to know you and answer my prayer.

Prayer

God save me from my greatest enemy-myself!

Augustine Quote

"Your mercy is forever, and you deign to make yourself a debtor obliged by your promises to those to whom you forgive all debts" (Augustine Confessions Pg. 83,84).

Prayer

I am but flesh and you are a most holy God. My sins are ever before me, weighting me down, and causing you to be displeased with me. They retard my spiritual progress. They paralyze me. I am seized with fear because of this condition I am in. My sins prevent me form sweet fellowship with you, and from doing any good to my brethren, as well as to those that are of the lost sheep. My spirit is tormented day and night. My body is as my spirit is, it is as if it is torn to pieces because of my sins. I have felt the heat and flames of this world and of hell upon my body and mind. I bear scares because of this both internally and externally. I shriek back from your presence in horror. Let not this state of mine continue. It would be dreadful for it to be my eternal lot. Such pain is only a small sampling of what is to come for those outside of Christ. Do not hide your face from me any longer. I cannot bear it. I know it will not be for much longer that your presence will be removed from me if you will only remember to look upon me by way of the cross. It is your promise Lord that you will be with me and never utterly forsake me. You will not cast me off forever will you? My anxiety renders me dumbfounded. I am become as Nebuchadnezzar--beside myself. Depression consumes me. Darkness surrounds me.
But I have tasted of your goodness and how sweet it is. Let me now feast upon you. I have learned what it means to be separated from you. And if I must go through all of my life in the valley and not on the mountain, I will gladly do it, as painful as it is, if it brings me into your eternal presence. I will be as Job. Though I am slain yet will I serve you. It would be nice, however, to view things from a high peak again. I bring to memory how good you have been to me in times past, how mighty your hand has been in saving me, in protecting me; how comforting your spirit has been to me, and how you have blessed those closest to me with your presence.
Walk with me closer Lord. Speak to me louder. Teach me. I want to know you. I love you. You love me and gave your life for me. But I am slow in understanding and hard of hearing. Open my eyes to your beauty, love, grace, kindness. Reveal yourself to me in such a way that it would not be possible for me to ever entertain worldliness again, never pursue lusts of the flesh. Turn my attention to you. My mind is easily distracted, my thoughts wonder from you. I must strive to know you. It is my intention to pursue you with more aggression than I have pursued my sins. Give me the strength to do this. Reveal yourself to me. Cause my face to shine like Moses' face shown because I have been in your company. Let others say of me, "he has been with the Lord." Let me see your glory. I am your child. Does a father not wish to spend time with his child? If I ask for bread will you give me a stone or if I ask for a fish will you give me a serpent? Did not you redeem me with your very own blood. I cannot bear these burdens they are too heavy. Lord you will not cast off forever will you? Your mercy does not allow for me to be consumed. who is God like you that pardons iniquity and does not stay angry, but delights in mercy? Turn to me and have compassion on me. Subdue my iniquities. Cast my sins into the depths of the sea.
The world and the flesh promise fullness and satisfaction, but these promises are lies and only lead to bitterness and pain. Every sin that I have committed the devil replays in my mind like a broken record. I have sought life in death and happiness in sorrow. If only I could train my mind to seek you, the spring of eternal life, and mountain top of happiness! If only I would take up your burden for it is lighter than mine. What a fallen degenerate mind I have that prefers pain over true felicity--a form of love to true love. The flesh is a parasite to my soul draining my life's blood out. Substitute this blood with the blood of Christ. Was it not shed on my behalf? Sanctify me Lord with your spirit. I long for the completion of the redemption of my flesh. I would be as Enoch and come into your presence now if you would but make it so. Though Satan would have me do so, I do not worry for my family. I know you would take care of them.
I suffer though Lord under the weight of sin and am despairing unto the point of slighting Christ and his crucifixion. Forgive me. Increase my faith. Have me to mourn my sins but do not let me be consumed under them. You have told me to not be anxious for anything. And so surely this cannot be the lot of one of your redeemed that I can hardly know any peace.
What will you have me do in this world Lord? I have not died an infant or child. I often wonder why? I will have lived thirty seven years next sabbath if it is your will. What shall I do in this life? Do you want me to sell all my worldly possessions for your kingdom? I will gladly do it. They are not many and are truly already yours. I am content with this. Will you have me go to a foreign land? Here am I send me. Will you have me to minister--to preach your word? Give me the knowledge and grace to do so. Shall I continue in manual labor? I will do it. Will you have me write of the things of God. I will. I hope someone will be blessed by reading this prayer. Perhaps they can sympathize with it and you will speak to their heart. There have been many prayers of others that have been of a spiritual help to me. I am glad you allowed them to be preserved. I know we are not to pray proudly and repetitiously for people to see, but Lord I pray in humility and keep a record of this prayer for my own memory and in the case you lead someone to cross paths with it, and be blessed in some way. I don't see how they could though my words become as ash to me. I speak the truth, however. Everything I have said, I said from my heart. This is how I feel.
Lord I desire to be great in your kingdom, but will be happy to be the least. I want to be known, but only that you will be exalted and in knowing me people will know you. But Lord if I am never recognized by anyone in this world I am glad to have been known by you. He that would be greatest must be the least. The one that would be master must be servant of all. What a mystery! Father hear your son's cry for your attention. Holy Spirit sanctify me and bring me into sweet fellowship with you. Lord Jesus take this my burden and the guilt of my sins. Lord hear this prayer of your most humble servant and who is the least of all that is in your kingdom.
And though I see and feel my need to pray further regarding all these things, I cannot find the right words to speak unto you. All of my talk becomes babel in my ears and confusion in mind. So Lord, you speak to me. I will listen.

Prayer

It is my only desire to know you. All other affections in my life are nothing more than distractions. They are lusts of the flesh and temptations of the world. These are a burden to my soul, distraction from true knowledge of you and intimacy with you. In my innermost self which is in accordance to and bears witness with your spirit, I long to fellowship with you. Sometimes your presence is so overwhelming that it seems as if my earthly body cannot contain you. There are also seasons of despair and depression because I cannot sense your presence. I know, however, that you never leave nor forsake those whom you love. May my depression turn to rejoicing! Whether in times of trials, temptations, or sufferings that accompany this unredeemed flesh, visitations of your presence or abandonment, I will never deny you in my heart of hearts, but by your spirit I will say "Jesus is Lord." The lips that have cursed you will now praise you in light of your grace and mercy. Through the good times and the bad you are my God for evermore. Forgive me for grumbling when it seemed as if you had departed from me, such grumbling that is similar to that of what your people of old when they were delivered from the bondage of Egypt. Fearing that Pharaoh would again overtake them they sinfully complained. I too have been guilty of raising my voice in desperation saying, "have you brought me out of this land only to be destroyed in another?" Forgive me for cursing my circumstances and exhibiting such lack of faith. I will never curse you and die in such a state--an apostate to the faith. Though you would slay me yet will I serve you. I realize now that it is according to your good will, for your glory, and to my benefit, that your providence governs the affairs and circumstances in and of my life. I will do nothing but eat, drink, sleep and live my life according to your word setting my eyes on things heavenly: when I lay down, I will turn my ear to your word; when I awake during the night, I will turn my ear to your word; when I take on the labor of the day, I will turn my ear to you; when I worship you, I will eat of your body and drink of your blood in your sacrament, tasting to see that you are good; in my planning of life, I will look to you and enquire what it is that you will have me to do. I wish for you to be great in me. I do not want to be great but in you. I aim to be a man of great judgment of things spiritual, not simply judged to be great. I want to be last in your kingdom, and accept this wisdom, but Lord I desire to be first as well. Do not forget me in this matter. Not that I am first as men would count it to be first, but first in knowing you. It cannot be wrong in desiring be such for your kingdom, and in you, can it? If we hunger and thirst after righteousness we will be filled. It is your promise. I desire to be rich, not with the currency of this world, but according the treasures of your spiritual blessings. I want to be popular, but not in the eyes of the world, rather, to be such in your eyes and in the eyes of your people. If I am known I want to be known as a man of God. Those that I think are famous the world does not. The fame I desire comes only from being in tune with you. Such popularity as to be named with you is what I seek. And if no man know my name in this life and the ages to come it is no disappoint to me. All that matters is that I am known of you. The title of Christian is good enough for me.

a Kempis Quote

"Lord, grant that I may know what I ought to know, love what I ought to love, praise what best pleases you, value what you deem precious, condemn whatever in your eyes seems filthy. Let me not judge things by outward appearances or form my opinions on the hearsay of those who know but little; give me that true judgement which can form a correct opinion on matters both of the world we see and that other world of the spirit; and let me above all else ever seek what best pleases your will" (Thomas a Kempis, Imitation Bk. iii Pg. 196).

Prayer

Lord give me grace for paitence and understanding towards my family. Administer strength to me for the work that is required in this world (especially as relates to your kingdom and not just according to necessary manual labors). Teach me wisdom and give me knowledge according to your ways. Draw near to me so I can see your perfections more clearly. Do not let Satan tempt me. Show me that your beauty is more beautiful than anything this world has to offer. And that pleasure in you is far greater than any worldly pleasures. I know this but sometimes my mind would reverse things at times and have me look in the wrong places for what I can only find in you. Help me to keep my eyes fixed on you. My fallen flesh is crafty and causes me to see in a distorted way. Keep me straight on this. All that I need is you. Pursuit of happiness anywhere other than in you is a false happiness. Everytime I say "There it is." "This will make me happy." And it is not you, I find myself unfulfilled in my desires. It is sinful to think there is something out there that will bring me peace other than you. I am let down and disappointed every time I take on such a pursuit. What I am looking for I already have. It is sinful madness to look elsewhere. Bring this to my remembrance the next time the fever of temptation sets in on me. Amen. (Robert N. Landrum).

Prayer

Lord thank you for the cross. I am aware of your sufferings for me--how you died for my sins. Make me more aware so that I can be closer to you. It is my one desire that I walk with you in your ways. This world and all that is in it is fleeting. It is only a matter of time till we all go into eternity. Give me a taste of your goodness as I suffer this life I now live longing to be with you. No, rather fill me to till I cannot hold anymore with your presence.
Father grant me these three things: To have the mind of Christ that I might know you and your ways , to have the love of Christ that I might love you, and those you have given me to love that are dearest to me. And having given me these as an illumination to my soul give me the compassion of Christ and use me as a light in this world.
Lord forgive me for my childishness and foolishness. Forgive me for talking when I should have remained silent. Forgive me for remaining silent when I should have spoken. Forgive me for loosing my temper in sinful ways. Forgive me for not being patient. Forgive me for slothfulness in your work. For give me for doubting your future provisions. Forgive me for not giving all of my self to my wife and my children as regards this duty. Forgive me for entertaining worldly thoughts and sinful lusts. Forgive me for overindulgence when I should have used moderation. Forgive me for my lack of knowledge in your word. Forgive me for being prideful knowing that a worm has nothing of his own to boast of. Forgive me for not loving as you have loved me. Forgive me for secret sin that is grievous to your spirit and is a cancer to my soul, such sin that I may not even be aware of in my life, because in its very nature it is hidden . It is hidden to me but not to others and most importantly it is not hidden to you. This is probably the worst sin one can have in that I am not privy to its deceitful workings. It is almost worse than presumptuous outward sins in that they rot the interior of the soul in areas unseen, giving the appearance of a sound structure, when in reality there is no soundness at all. Forgive me of all of these and more.
As you see I do not limit your atonement but am in much need of your grace.
And Lord having forgiven me all, help me to forget what is past and press onward having my eyes fixed on you. Robert N. Landrum